What I wanted to be when I grew up.

That was always something that I thought about as a child. Most kids when asked what they wanted to be as children, they would say a football player, an astronaught, a musician, hell even a movie star. But when it came to me, my choice was just unreal. What did I want to be you maybe asking through your suspense filled jaw? A prophet. That’s right! A prophet, not a rich multibillionaire with my “Whip” and all the “Bling” and all the booty that a red blooded man may ask for, no not that. A prophet, a reject that knows the “truth” and ends up seeing the people who he warned get destroyed by the might of an otherwise merciful being.
Now I know what you might be thinking, this is basically an amazing set up for a meglomaniac and a schizophrenic. But to be honest if I continued with that mentality in mind, I would probably be commanding my hordes of disciples to conquer the world as we speak. Soon however my ideas of life changed, and after watching the life of brian, I questioned my messianic intentions. Because I had thought to myself, what would be better than having the “big guy upstairs” for back up? huh huh? Itss pretty cool right? I mean he wouldn’t let anyone fuck with me. You can prognosticate the future, you can become imperiable to fire. You can do all kinds of cool shit, like conjure destruction, frogs and if you are a little bit sick in the head, doom the first born of your enemies to death! BOOM!

And during all this awesamity that is taking place, you are perfect, you are loved by the only thing that matters. But more to that, the reason that I desired such an awesome occupation, was to find meaning in life, it was to understand why I subsist, to know why I breathe. I would lie in bed, whispering “give me meaning” continuesly. But alas, as I grew older, that meaning never came. And the mantra changed slightly over the years. I was left with a scientific mind, and an all enquiring spiritual yearning. It was during my adolescents that i discovered the philosophers, their tales and capabilities astounded me, for example take Averroes (ibn rushd) he was a polymath; a master of Aristotelian philosophy, Islamic philosophy, law and jurisprudence, logic, psychology, politics, Arabic music theory, and the sciences of medicine, astronomy, geography, mathematics, physics and celestial mechanics.

I was amazed, I wanted to be all of those things and even more. I let go of all those egoistical conceptions of spirituality that all societies seem to be brainwashing children with. I drew inspiration from the contemporary as well as the old. I wanted to unite the world bring peace, and during these contemplations I came to realize that God(or my preffered name “the ineffable”) was not going to give meaning to my life.

He would force me to give meaning to my own life. And this would be accomplished through my actions, through my thoughts and intentions.

This is ofcourse not to say that I do not lust for otherworldy wisdom and power, we all do to a certain degree, but I do have a driving force that would never stop till I died, and that driving force exists deep within me, with it, I would become unstoppable, all obstacles
would be shattered, and in my footsteps would be left actions of grace, echoing the truth (Although I think I also need to start monitoring my carbon footprint too :S).
And you wanna know something? That driving force… Is inside you too.